Learning How to Decide Better

Deciding On Something - even as trivial as a drink - can be crippling to many.

Over the years, I've learned that decision making is a skill. It's a skill that I struggle with because I don't care enough or have opinions about things enough. As a result, things like Where should we eat dinner? are hard because I simply don't care as long as I'm full and ate a nutritious meal (i.e. not just instant noodles or fast food).

There is something definitive, conclusive, confident, and clear about decision making and being opinionated that avoids wasting time. The apparent finality of a decision helps you avoid rethinking things and focus on next steps rather than alternative options.

Especially with a structured Monday to Friday 8-4 work schedule, free time can be hard to come by so squeezing every moment to maximize my time enjoying what I want to do is important. Sometimes it becomes a things I want to do versus things I am okay doing. If I'm not clear in what I want to do, or have a vague sense of to-do's, I can quickly lose track of time and only hours later realize that I have accomplished nothing.

Netflix, Youtube, Reddit and the like can quickly fill the gaps in my day and entertain me while not moving me closer to achieving my goals.

Reddit - the ultimate time suck

Decision-making can definitely push me forward.

• Deciding to work without internet

• Deciding to leave my phone far away from reach

• Deciding on a set schedule for relaxation versus work time

• Deciding on when and how long to rest

• Deciding to not socialize and instead work on projects that interest me

I think striking the right balance between project work and socializing with friends is the hardest part because I obviously want to spend time with friends. But ultimately, if I can definitively schedule a time to work and distinguish it from a scheduled time to socialize, then I can be present and attentive to both during their respective times rather than half-assing either one of them and being distracted, absent-minded or unfocused.

Decisions, regardless if they are right or wrong, are important and necessary to move forward. By forcing upon yourself a decision, you can intentionally close a door, which narrows down your choices and allows you to focus your attention on fewer variables.

Without an intentional or forced decision, there is analysis paralysis.

There is uncertainty, doubt, second-guessing and inevitable inefficiency because you are always thinking about the other options, the other possibilities, the could have been's, the what if's.

So here's a few things you can try that have worked for me.

1. Even when I don't have an opinion, I will make a decision.

I will first check to make sure that my opinion is important. I will often say that if others actually feel strongly about a choice, I would prefer to follow their suggestion. For example, if the decision is Italian food versus Japanese food and one person feels strongly about Italian food, then let's do Italian. However, if there are no strong feelings, I will force myself to make a decision.

2. Reflect on the Decision Afterwards.

After a decision is made, reflect on how things progress based on that decision. By being to open to and learning from your decisions, you are utilizing that 'decision' muscle more and growing as a decisive person. You have the ability to learn from any decision and therefore event, whether perceived as good or bad. It all comes down to our perceptions and the lessons we chose to take from them. Let's say you made a decision that you later regretted, you can reflect on what insights would have allowed you to identify it. Was it your gut? Should the take-away be to trust your gut more often?

As long as you are reflecting and learning from your decisions, you are growing and learning about yourself.

3. Decisions Aren't Final.

Although having an opinion or making a decision is more final than not deciding at all, there is nothing that says you can't change your mind or change your decision later on. You are not perfect and will sometimes make a decision that needs correcting. That is a part of life and no matter how much time you spent before deciding, there will inevitably be times where you chose wrong. And that's okay. In fact that can be liberating to acknowledge the fallacy of being a 'perfect decider'. So go ahead! Make those decisions. The key point though is that making a decision pushes you one step towards progress versus avoiding a decision and remaining stagnant and standing still.

Charles Pennant gives a good 4-point process to help.

A FOUR-POINT PROCESS

1. DO I WANT TO be, do or have this?

2. Will being, doing or having this MOVE ME IN THE DIRECTION OF MY GOAL?

3. Is being, doing or having this IN HARMONY WITH GOD’S LAWS OR THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE?

4. Will being, doing or having this VIOLATE THE RIGHTS OF OTHERS?

If the answer to the first three questions is YES, and the answer to the last question is NO, make the decision and get moving.

Try using this 4-point process for yourself and let me know in the comments below whether it helped!

Again, it's a process. It won't be perfect when you start and it certainly won't be perfect every time but the point is you will get more comfortable making decisions and faster at moving onto the next step.