Blog Challenge - Day 1 (Part 2)

3 Chips on My Shoulders

I think there is something special about people who wish to prove a point or prove someone false. There is almost a poetic and cathartic heart string that is tugged when these kinds of events happen and they are almost immortalized by this underdog, unproven, against-all-odds story.

These stories in my head hold a power over me in a self-fulfilling prophesy kind of way and I think that if I manifest some sort of challenge or slight against myself, it drives my competitive juices, empowering me to to go beyond my limits.

Here's The Top 3 Chips on My Shoulder I've Manifested In My Life.

So let's set the stage. You can't fully understand someone's chips on their shoulders without understanding how they grew up and the impression that certain moments, people, and culture left on them.

Growing up, I don't think I honestly had any significant hardship. As privileged as I am to say that, it's the truth and I know a hundred different reasons and people who definitely had it worse and for that I am eternally grateful; I do not take that blessing lightly and it does not go unappreciated. I grew up with two loving parents, two older siblings and a home. I was provided the clothing and food I needed and was given a stable living situation. We moved to a up and coming suburb, I went to a good school and I had a good education. I had the luxury to participate in extra-curricular activities, and stayed out of trouble. I actually specifically recall listening to 90's rap music and comparing the struggles that rappers would talk about to my life and the lack of a corresponding event.

In some delusional way, I turned that into a challenge of some sort. A mission or reason to search for discomfort, challenge, and opportunity for growth to avoid plateauing or remaining stationary in life.

Chip #1 - I had no childhood struggle, so I forced challenge upon myself.

Now, I never got into trouble or forced myself into situations to break the law or anything to crippling my academic potential or future standing. Instead, I went about forcing academic struggle (What can I say - I'm a geek).

In high school, that came in the form of the International Baccalaureate (IB) program. It's similar to the AP program (for those of you who haven't heard of the IB program), a chance to mingle with the gifted students and a chance to rank myself amongst my peers.

I specifically remember needing to convince my family, talk to my Grade 8 teachers and justify that I could succeed because they were worried I would struggle. Looking back and reflecting now, I realize how pigeon-holed that experience was. People were literally telling me I should avoid struggle in my life when one's entire existence to some degree is a struggle against the odds. I know it's coming from a good place but just imaging a teacher telling me I cannot or should not pursue something because they think I'm not smart enough to or that I will struggle....and at the age of 13-14.

It's a mind-jarring experience upon reflection to be told to avoid struggle but luckily I had two defining moments in that struggle. One - My brother in law made the argument that my family should allow me to choose my path and choose the struggles I wish to endure. I was never at that meeting but I remember hearing that and appreciating the autonomy as a teenager to decide my own path. Two - My uncle in Hong Kong once told me to not fear or shy away from working hard or working long hours. That really resonated with me because I was allowed to struggle and allowed to embrace that struggle. I think growing up in a relatively normal academic environment, struggle equals incompetence or ineptitude. But in actuality, struggle can equal normal development of proficiency and shying away from hard work on the assumption of ineptitude fully disrupts growth and mastery.

Anyways, I digress. The point being my first chip was the existence of doubters or discomfort avoiders. And over my high school existence, I demonstrated the capacity to complete the IB program with all the struggles, sleep deprivation, stress, and so forth. I was intellectually capable of completing the IB program and feel ultimately no different in intellectual capability to peers who have gone on to becoming doctors, lawyers, PhDs, pharmacists, software engineers and so forth.

Chip #2 - My Chinese Zodiac Says I Am Lazy

I am not one to be superstitious but in Chinese culture, it is a fairly pervasive and ingrained aspect of the culture. You cannot truly experience or embrace Chinese culture without acknowledging or accepting some of these aspects because the Chinese culture was in part formed through a majority belief in these doctrines and principles.

Anywho, I was told I'd be a pain in my father's ass since as early as I can remember. I also remember being told I would always be lazy. The reason why is because I was born in the year of the snake. My dad was born in the year of the pig and apparently the snake and pig don't align well and I'm supposed to terrorize him. As a reptile, I'm also apparently lazy. I remember any chance I got to sit down or watch cartoons instead of study, play piano, or anything else was because it was characteristic of me. Reflecting back, I was literally acting the same way that any 8-13 year old would act but I somehow had this predestined association based solely on the year I was born...which again, I had no control over.

I truly believe that I now am incapable of "wasting time" for long periods. I feel guilty and restless. I must always try to improve myself, pursue something that is practical or responsible and do so regularly just to prove the point that I am not lazy.

Ultimately this feeling has probably helped me advance my career and personal development but also fostered unnecessary feelings of guilt for literally no reason.

Chip #3 - The Immigrant Mentality

Although I am not an immigrant and I was born in Canada, I like to adopt an immigrant mentality. Maybe it speaks to feeling like a minority (although I did live in an area where Chinese was essentially a majority) but for whatever reason, I adopted my parent's immigrant status. There's something about associating with a hustler, a grinder, an outcast who is so good that they're impossible to ignore - and I wanted that.

And so, I've always aspired to be better, be willing to sacrifice more, be willing to do more to prove my value. My family didn't have roots here so we had to forcibly make space for ourselves to have a community, have a success story and be better.

Even thinking about the success that it has been so far - my parents moved to Canada and supported 3 children to have a university education - makes me feel so proud to have accomplished what only one generation ago has not achieved. Furthermore, I am the only one in my family to have a graduate degree.

So yeah, visualizing myself as an immigrant has focused my perception to seek opportunity, remain vigilant and overly prepared for changing markets and dynamics, live with an entrepreneurial attitude and focus on leaving a lasting legacy.

I Am Who I Am Because Of My Outlook On Life

I know without a doubt that these 3 chips on my shoulders shape my outlook on life and my path through it. The fact that I made my own website, that I am trying to put my passions on display is purely to hold myself accountable to some undefined audience. I make these challenges and responsibilities in my mind to build up the stakes so I push through adversity, make deadlines, and achieve some vague sense of full potential.

I do this because my outlook on life allows me to take pleasure and satisfaction in pursuing an abstract goal. You may draw some abstract line in the sand about when this pursuit becomes all-encompassing and unhealthy and I certainly have a vague idea of where I might cross that line but it is through explaining these aspects of my life that you have a better understanding of who I am, how I operate, and why I am hellbent on optimizing myself and reaching a maximum potential.

If you disagree, let me know the reasons below. If some of this resonates with you too, I'd love to hear it too!