Be Kind To Yourself - A Way To Pursue Your Goals.

Do you ever feel like you are inadequate, less than, or not deserving of your current role and responsibilities?

Do you ever feel like you must be the only one at work who is faking it, somehow squeaking by unnoticed while you fumble through work whereas the others actually know what they are doing?

Imposter syndrome is a huge component of many professionals’ identity and reportedly is prevalent in a whopping range of 9% to 82% depending the criteria for measurement.

‘At my work, we had a discussion about imposter syndrome, feeling inadequate, making mistakes on the job, and forgiveness. Imposter syndrome is often characterized by aggressively pursuing achievement while not being able to accept recognition when success is achieved.

At work, it is very common, as a newly hired staff to feel incompetent, to feel less than, or to feel inadequate. This persistent questioning of professional legitimacy can have implications for career retention, advancement, elevated levels of stress, burnout as well as decreased satisfaction and job performance over time.

Did I do that right?

Could someone else have done that better?

I think we often are so scared of mistakes that it paralyzes us and limits our trust in ourselves despite the accolades, the achievements and the level of success that we’ve achieved to get to this point in the first place. The negative self-talk can be crippling and often can hinder our expectations for ourselves and our ability to aspire for more.

We question how we managed to deceive others, slip under the radar, and how much longer we will live our secret lives before we’re caught and revealed for the truly incompetent imposters that we are.

Compared with our colleagues who are true authentic professionals, we are a husk of a professional by comparison.

After all, they act so confident! So composed! So knowledgable. They must be better.

Well that just isn’t true.

We all have our insecurities.

We all feel uncomfortable. Unprepared. But we’ve all achieved some level of accomplishment to get to this point.

I think the difference is how much runway you give yourself to grow, to learn, to be strong, to overcome, and to develop.

Be kind to yourself.

When we acknowledge the patience, the faith, the trust, and the support we offer others, it is important to acknowledge that we do so authentically in the hopes they meet those expectations. We give each other runway to grow, to learn, to be strong, to overcome, and to develop.

Let yourself have enough runway to grow as well. If you are willing to give that kindness and courtesy to others, then extend that same kindness to yourself.

Imagine if you applied this way of thinking towards yourself about something trivial.

Something such as riding a bike.

Imagine the negative self-talk you could have.

But so many people can ride a bike so much more confidently.

I’m an imposter rider.

Not a true rider.

People are going to find out I don’t know what I’m doing.

Or how about cooking a steak.

But so many people can cook steaks better. I should just leave it to them.

I’m not a real cook.

People are going to find out I don’t know how to cook a steak properly.

Now obviously, when you do these activities professionally or for a living, the stakes are increased. After all, you are supposed to be the expert.

But you don’t start off an expert. You grow into one. You develop into one. Working 10 years in a field means that you have learned from 10 years of mistakes.

But I think if you hold yourself on a short leash, you never allow yourself the time to develop and grow. You never allow yourself the kindness, the patience, the hopeful optimism, the benefit of the doubt that you give others.

And more than likely, you know your situation better.

You know your inner thoughts, your thought process, the amount of information you were operating with at the time, your circumstances, your stress levels, and your emotional status.

All of those things contribute to your eventual decisions and actions.

If I made a mistake at work, maybe I was tired, I had a stressful event in my personal life, I was struggling with my mental health, I was jet-lagged from a recent trip, I was stressed about another project or presentation. There are circumstances behind any action and although they may not entirely excuse a result or decision that led to an error, they provide a context which makes the final decision or action reasonable.

And that’s all you can do.

Hindsight can often skew how we feel about our past decisions.

Why didn’t I consider that?

Of course, Option B was the better choice. It’s so obvious. Why did I choose Option A.

But you are always operating with more information after the fact. You know the results of your choice. You know more contextual information about the situation. You may also know the mindset of others or have access to additional options and information that you were not privy to at the time.

Therefore, be kind to yourself.

The world is filled with people who are not and you will surely receive enough unkindness without your own.

And to clarify, that doesn’t mean you aren’t self-critical. You can always identify areas of weakness, areas for improvement, but that doesn’t mean you shy away from the challenge or feel inept towards the expectations.

Kindness is a type of behaviour marked by acts of generosity, consideration, rendering assistance or concern without the expectation of praise or reward.

When applied introspectively, that means applying acts of generosity, consideration, and concern for yourself and your well-being.

When a child falls on the ground, we don’t reprimand them. We don’t scowl at their weakness, their incoordination, their leg strength or instability. We dust them off, wipe away their tears and encourage them to continue. We keep a close eye but allow them to try again with the same unstable gait because we trust that they will eventually learn, grow, and develop those skills.

Apply that same level of trust in yourself. It may not happen immediately on the first attempt.

It may in fact take months of walking practice.

But that practice period is seen with joy, with excitement, and with hopeful trust.

Give yourself that optimism and belief in other aspects of your life - your career change, your personal fitness goals, your professional aspirations and corporate ladder progression, your home improvement dreams. All of it. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the room to grow.

You’ll be surprised by how resilient and resourceful you are.